My favorite quote

Missy's super book recommendation week 1

She's come undone, Wally Lamb

      It took for-ever to track down this book, and it was definitely worth pining for. It was recommended to me by a teacher back in high school, and now I recommend it too bookworms everywhere.

Back of book description
     Meet Dolores price. She's thirteen, wise-mouthed but wounded, having bid her childhood goodbye. Beached like a whale in front of her bedroom TV, she spends the next few years nourishing herself with the Mallomars, potato chips, and Pepsi her anxious mother supplies. When she finally rolls into young womanhood at 257 pounds, Dolores is no stronger and life is no kinder. But this time she's determined to rise to the occasion and give herself one more chance before really going belly-up.
     In this extraordinary coming-of-age odyssey, Wally Lamb invites us to hitch a wild rise on a journey of love, pain, and renewal with the most heartbreakingly comical heroine to come along in years. At once a fragile girl and a hard-edged cynic, so tough to love yet so inimitably lovable, Dolores is as poignantly real as out own imperfections. She's come undone includes a promise: you will never forget Dolores Price.

Into to the English Major: The Class

Honestly, I really like the Intro to the English Major class this J term. Even though waking up at six-o-clock in the morning stinks, and winter is a pain in the butt, I actually looked forward to classes for once! For the first time in a while, I was able to feel comfortable participating in a discussion (I may not be the chattiest Kathy, but I'm getting better...) and feel like I fit in somewhere.

When I first joined the English major, I wasn't positive that I was comfortable with such a big risk (You've all heard at least one English major joke, I assume.) But now, I defiantly know where I belong.

Plus, Dr. Reed is a pretty great professor (Hey, a little kiss up never hurt anyone did it?)

Analysis "Recitaif" Short Story by Toni Morrison

 

 

     This was one of the stories we read that I really enjoyed. I didn't realize until the end though, that you weren't suppose to know the races of the girls.

 

     The story is told through the eyes of a little girl named Twyla, who has just been placed in an orphanage-type home called St. Bonny's. (At first, my mind automatically assumed that that Twyla was white, though it changed back and forth through out the story.) Twyla claims that her mother dances all night and that Roberta's is sick.

 

          I assumed that by "Dancing" she meant partying, or dancing in a club all night.

 

     Roberta is revealed to be Twyla's roommate at St. Bonny's. Upon seeing Roberta, she states that her mother would not like it that she is rooming with somebody of another race. Her mother had stopped dancing long enough to tell her, "they never wash their hair and they smelled funny". The woman that introduces them, Mrs. Itkin (or "the Big Bozo") warns them that if they don't play nice, they won't get to see the movie after dinner. the use of the movie The Wizard of Oz may be used to place the time that the story begins, around 1939.

 

     The girls begin get to know each other, eventually forming  close friendship. The girls are reveal that they are the same age, 8, and they're both bad at school. Twyla claims that it's because she can't remember what the teachers said, and Roberta can't read or write.

 

     Twyla says that they weren't close at first, but they hung out because nobody else would play with them. "We weren't real orphans with beautiful dead parents in the sky." she states this as a reason for why the other kids would hang out with them. some of Twyla's neglectful home life is revealed, her mother's idea of dinner being popcorn and a can of Yoo-Hoo.

 

     It's not so bad at St. Bonny's, according to Twyla. Although, the bigger girls tend to bully the  younger girls. they older girls are described as teens of 15-16 age range, who wear make-up and were put-outs or runaways.

 

     Roberta has strange dreams about the orchard during her stay at St. Bonny's. She says, "I used to dream a lot, and almost always the orchard was there. Two acres, four maybe, of these little apple trees. Hundreds of them. Empty and crooked like beggar woman when I first came to St. Bonny's but fat wit flowers when I left". She claims that nothing exciting happened in the orchard, and she doesn't know why she dreams about it.

 

     The kitchen lady, Maggie, was pushed down in the orchard once. Twyla knows that she should have helped her up, but she was too afraid of the older girls. Maggie is described as having sandy colored skin and parenthesis legs. she always wears a child's hat with ear flaps. Maggie was also mute, and possibly deaf. Twyla and Roberta used to yell "dummy" at her, to see if she reacts. she never did.

 

     As the days passed, Roberta and Twyla got closer and closer. they were the only ones in the 130 state kids who were dumped and got F's in three classes. They also got along with meals, because Roberta hardly ate anything and Twyla ate for the both of them.

 

     For Easter, Roberta and Twyla's mother's come to visit. the girls prepare, curling each other's hair, and making paper baskets. The chapel is filled with grown ups, some family and some potential adopters. Twyla finds that it isn't as exiting as she thought, when her mother embarrasses her. She wears ugly green slacks and a fur. Coat calling her daughter "Twyla baby".  She is further embarrassed when Roberta's mom refuses to shake her mother's hand, to which she replies, "That bitch!" She continues to act up during the sermon, making Twyla wish that she was dead like the other orphan's parents.

     Twyla's mother forgets to bring lunch, so they end up eating smashed jelly beans out of the paper basket. She gets jealous when she see's that Roberta's mother had brought proper food. (That Roberta isn't eating.)

     In May, Roberta leaves. They spent her last day in the orchard, getting teased by the older girls and breathing in the scents of the apple trees. Roberta promises that she will write to Twyla all the time, even though she can't read or write. By the time that Twyla leaves, memories of Roberta have faded to just her pink-scalloped socks and serious face.

     Years have passed, and Twyla now works behind the counter at Howard Johnson's in Kingston. In August, a bus crowd comes in carrying the person Twyla least expected. Now a smoking, lipstick wearing, big haired woman, Roberta comes into the restraint with a few friends. Twyla claims that she "made the big girls look like nuns". After her shift ends, she approaches her old friend. To her surprise, Roberta doesn't greet her the way she expected her to. Twyla begins to feel self conscious about the way she looks in her uniform, while Roberta shares a secret laugh with her male friends. Roberta says that her friend has an appointment with "Hendrix", whom...I think...Twyla mistakes for someone else (She may just be pretending to know.) Roberta replies with, "Hendrix. Jimi Hendrix, asshole. He's only the biggest--Oh, wow. forget it." After more awkward attempts at conversation, Twyla exits.

        More time has passed, and Twyla is now married with a son. She states that her life is comfortable and happy, still living in Newburgh. At the check-out counter one day, somebody calls her name. To her surprise, a white summer dress wearing, diamond clad, Roberta greets her. They meet outside, catching up in a friendlier fashion than before.

     Roberta now lives in Annandale, a neighborhood of wealthy doctors and executives, married to a widower with four kids.

          Twyla says, "I was dying to know what happened to her, how she got from Jimi Hendrix to Annandale, a neighborhood full of doctors and IBM executives. Easy, I thought. Everything is so easy for them. They think they own the world." This could imply that Roberta is white, as this takes place in times of racial inequalities.

     They go into a local coffee shop to catch up. While chatting, the subject falls to St. Bonny's and Maggie. Roberta shocks Twyla by telling her that Maggie did not fall down like she thought she did. She claims that the older girls knocked her down and tore her clothes, much to the confusion of Twyla. She reveals that "Big Bozo" was fired, after she had gone back to the shelter twice.

     The subject is changed to the last time they met. Twyla asks Roberta why she acted the way she did. she shrugs it off, "Oh, Twyla, you know how it was back in those day: black--white. You know you know how everything is." Twyla isn't sure about Roberta's answer, because she had seen plenty of blacks and whites come into the restaurant together. They leave the café together, promising to keep in touch. Twyla promises to call Roberta, though she knows that she never will. She claims that Roberta messed up her childhood by revealing what she did about Maggie.

     That fall, Racial Strife takes over the town. Twyla's son Joseph is being sent across town to another school, though she doesn't seem to care that much. Driving through Hudson one day, she comes across a protest in front of a local school. To her shock, she notices a familiar face, Roberta's, in the crowd. Twyla approaches her, questioning what she was doing.

     Roberta's kids are also being sent to another school, and she isn't as nonchalant about it.
         
           At this point in the story, the assumed races of the girls switch. It seems that Roberta is now black, as her kids are being sent to another neighborhood school, and she is for integration. It is possible however, that she could be married to a black man, therefore her step-kids would also be black.

     The women get into a fight. as they bicker, the crowd begins to surround Twyla's car. They begin to rock the car, frightening Twyla. When the police come and disperse the crowd, Roberta stays and continues fighting with Twyla. She tells her that she is the same kid she always was, who kicked an old black lady when she was down. Twyla gets angry, screaming that Maggie was not black.

     The next day, Twyla goes back to the protest with her own sign. She joins the opposing team, holding a sign that replies to Roberta's sign. Every day, she goes to the protest with a new sign. One day she shows up with a sign that says "IS YOUR MOTHER WELL?" Roberta eventually stops coming to the rallies, and so does Twyla.

     Six weeks later, Classes have been suspended leaving Twyla's son with no school to go to. Mothers in the neighborhood begin tutoring their kids, possibly to distract themselves. When her son graduates, Twyla instinctively looks for Roberta in the crowd.

          I believe this means that by now, the schools have been integrated.

     Twyla is still stressing over the idea that Maggie may have been black. She realizes that she cannot remember. She does remember however, that she really wanted to kick the woman.

     The woman meet for the final time just before Christmas. Robert has something important to tell Twyla, who doesn't want to hear it. Finally, the two sit down together and Roberta reveals that she also doesn't remember if Maggie was black, She says that she wanted to kick her, just as bad as Twyla did.

     Twyla reassures he that it doesn't matter anymore, they were just kids. The story ends with Roberta saying, "Oh shit, Twyla. Shit, shit shit. What the hell happened to Maggie?"




So, What is so special about Maggie?

     I believe that Maggie represented Roberta and Twyla's childhood. They couldn't remember much about their childhoods, but both could clearly remember St. Bonny's. The two were frustrated that they couldn't remember this seemingly simple part of their childhood, thus making them feel as if their bond was broken.
      

Analysis: "Barbie Doll" poem by Marge Piercy

 

 

     Barbie has gotten a lot of criticism in recent years. From her looks to her careers, nobody seems to be buying into Barbie's marketing strategies anymore. Are girls becoming more sensitive of their appearance? is Barbie to blame? Margie Piercy seems to think so.

 

     In her poem Barbie Doll, Piercy spins the image of a girl, fastened to toys marketed towards girls for her entire childhood, that finds herself on the bad side of puberty. One day a classmate tells her, "You have a great big nose and fat legs" (6), leaving the girl vulnerable.  

 

     The second stanza describes the girl almost as if she's a product for sale. "She was healthy, tested intelligence, / possessed strong arms and back, / abundant sexual drive and manual dexterity" (7-9). this could be a play on what the society around her would see, finding "Good qualities"  that were make her a decent wife, to compensate for her big nose and thick legs.

 

     After some terrible advice from people who also probably see only her lack of beauty, "her good nature wears out" (15), and she decides to "Cut off her nose and her legs" (17. (Hopefully this is metaphoric for plastic surgery...)

 

     The final stanza opens with a funeral, presumably the girl's. Her face has been caked in make-up, and her nose is now molded from putty. She is dressed in a pink and white nighty, which makes me wonder if this whole funeral is metaphorical. Seeing her in her casket, people are finally seeing her for the beautiful girl that she was.

 

     I believe that the funeral in the last stanza represents the loss of the girl's childhood. During childhood, most kids are told at some point (probably by parents) that they are super special and the most gorgeous person on the face of the planet. This causes a problem during puberty, their family's perspective of them mixing in with the cruel world.

Analysis: "The Flea" poem by John Donne

                                         

 

 



     Most people think that the poem the flea written by John Donne is about a lonely man trying to get his lady to sleep with him. While this analysis does make sense, it isn't the first thing I thought of when I first read it.

     When I first read the poem, I thought that the "flea" was actually referring to a baby. There are several lines in the poem that talk about mingling of lovers blood, which was theorized to be the cause of conception back when the poem was written. I think that the poem switches between speakers, one a man and one a woman, faced with an unplanned pregnancy.
    
     It seems like one of the speaker's is afraid of being shamed, possibly alluding to the couple having conceived their child out of wedlock. Line 5 and 6 of them poem says, "Thou know'est that this cannot be said / A sin, or shame, nor loss of maidenhead." Maidenhead is an old-fashion term for one's virginity, so it sounds like someone is trying to convince their partner that they'll be shamed if the news of the out-of-wedlock child gets out...

    When I read the poem, it sounds like two people in conversation. One of the speakers wants to keep the baby, but the other thinks they should get rid of it. In the second stanza the speaker that wants the baby says, "Where we are almost, yea more than, married are. / This flea is you and I, and this / Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is" (11-13). Note her how to the speaker refers to the "flea" as one life of three. They may be suggesting that the baby is the beginning of their lives together, and that they could get married. The third stanza begins with the same speaker, "Though parents grudge, and you, we're met / And cloistered in these living walls of jet" (14-15). this sounds like the couple's parents do not approve of the relationship, but that the speaker is sure that they will last forever. the "Cloistered walls of jet" sounds like it's referring to the darkness inside the womb, where their unborn child resides. They bring religion into the picture, saying that it would be a sin to murder the unborn baby, and may also kill the relationship.
     The last stanza reveals that the decision has been made, and the pregnancy has been ended. the speaker describes it as "Cruel and sudden", revealing that they more than likely made the decision hastily. The speaker claims that the other holds the blood of the innocent baby on their hands forever, questioning what it was guilty of other than being conceived.

     The poem ends with the speaker telling the other that honor is nothing when you carry the guilt of murder on your shoulders. they're honor will be forgotten eventually, the life they took away wasted forever.

 

Analysis: Because I could not stop for Death

 

     "Because I could not stop for Death- / He kindly stopped for me-" In the first lines of the poem "Because I could not stop for death", Emily Dickenson describes a person's journey in Death's carriage. In the poem, Death is personified as a gentleman caller, who rides with the woman to her grave. The poem was published along with a collection of others, after Dickenson's death in 1890.

     Several lines in the poem allude to a slow death, possibly as a way too cope with her own impending death from Bright's disease, which lasted nearly two and a half years. "We slowly drove-He knew me no haste / And I had put away / My labor and my leisure too."

     The last stanza states that centuries have passed since she first got into the carriage, though it only  felt like less than a day. This could also allude to her lengthened illness, though to a much more exenterated way.  

Theodore Roethke

 

 

My Papa's Waltz

Theodore Roethke

 

The whiskey on your breath

Could make a small boy dizzy;

But I hung on like death;

Such Waltzing was not easy.

 

We romped until the pans

Slid from the kitchen shelf;

My mother's countenance

Could not unfrown itself.

 

The hands that held my wrists

Was battered on one knuckle;

At every step you missed

My right ear scrapped a buckle.

 

You beat time on my head

With a palm caked hard by dirt,

Then waltzed me off to bed

Still clinging to your shirt.

 

      In this poem, written in 1948 by Theodore Roethke, at first seems like a gentle memory of a boy and his father. Upon closer analysis however, it takes on a much darker tone. Some suggest that rather than dancing, the child in the poem is being abused by his father. "We romped until the pans / Slid from the kitchen shelf..." could be alluding to the child's father knocking him into counters, while his mother just stands by. another line, "The hands that held my wrists / Was battered on one knuckle..." Suggests that this is not the first time that the boy has been abused by his father. He then recounts that with every step his father misses, his ear is hit with a buckle, more than likely from the father's belt. In the final stanza, the boy recounts that his father hit him on the head with a dirt-caked fist, before "Waltzing" Him off to bed.

     Roethke often wrote poems with darker undertones, often taken from the author's own troubles. During his adulthood, Roethke suffered from Alcoholism and bouts of depression. One poem in which this is depicted, is "In a dark time." written in 1963. "In a dark time, the eyes begin to see, / I meet my shadow in the deepening shade; / I hear my echo in the echoing wind- / A lord of nature weeping to a tree. / I live between the heron and the wren, / Beasts of the hill and serpents of the den." This first stanza begins to explore the mental illness that plagued the poet.  

Analysis: Hills like white Elephants

 

Plot Summary

     In the short story Hills like white elephants by Ernest Hemingway, it isn't difficult to guess what the character Jig and her boyfriend "The American" are dancing around. The story opens with a man and a woman waiting for a train to Madrid. The couple engage in light chit-chat, choosing to drink beer while they wait. The woman then notices that the hills in the distance resemble white elephants. The words "Anis del Toro" are painted on the hills. The man tells her that this is the name of a drink, and order's a couple for them to try. After tasting it, the girl decides that it tastes too much like licorice.
     The mood turns sour, leading to the woman to take back what she said about the hills. After an awkward moment of silence, the man reveals the reason that they are waiting for the train. "It's really zan awfully simple operation, Jig." It seems innocent enough, the girl is worried about having surgery.
     And then, he say's this: "I know you wouldn't mind it, Jig. It's really not anything. It's just to let the air in." Let the air in where? The woman doesn't say anything in reply, "I'll go with you, and stay with you al the time. They just let the air in and it's all perfectly natural." He then states, making it almost clear what is going to happen. The woman, Jig, asks him how he knows that everything will be all right. "That's the only thing that bothers us. It's the only thing that's making us unhappy." He replies. Now it's clear what their trip to Madrid is for.
     At this point in the story, we can see that the couple is on their way to have an abortion. Although it is never strictly mentioned, the couple's conversation alludes to it. The conversation continues, revealing that the man is trying to convince the woman, but still make it seem like her choice. She questions whether or not he will still love her, and is reassured that the man loves her and always will. Why then, is he nearly forcing her to go through with it? Finally, she tells him that she'll do it, because she doesn't care about herself. He tells her that he wouldn't want her to do it if she doesn't want to, but she tells him that she is going to do it.
     At this point, Jig gets up and walks to the end of the station. The description of the scenery also begins to hint towards the situation at hand. The train tracks split the landscape in half, much like the man and Jig are separated by the decision to terminate their unplanned pregnancy. On one side of the tracks, the side that the couple is waiting, is dry and dead. On the other side of the tracks, the land is green and fertile. While looking at the landscape, the woman says "And we could have all this...And we could have everything and every day we make it more impossible." Possibly referring to her desire to keep the baby, while keeping her life the same. The man tells her that they can still have everything, if she follows through with the procedure. He doesn't seem to understand what she exactly she wants. He says that they can still have the world, no matter what she chooses to do. Jig tells him that "It isn't ours anymore." though it isn't clear if she is talking about the world or the baby. "No, it isn't. And once they take it away, you can never get it back." At this point, it is unclear whether she wants to keep the baby or go through with the procedure. She tells him that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. The man starts to show signs of regret, possibly changing his mind about the procedure himself.
     At the end of the story, the man takes their bags to the end of the station, their decision made. He comes back to his companion, asking if she feels better. The story finishes with Jig telling him "I feel fine...There's nothing wrong with me. I feel fine."
     So, at the end of the story, it looks like they are planning on following through with their original plans.  

symbolism in the story

 

     The white elephants 

          A white elephant is often used to symbolize something that is not wanted. In this case, it's the couple's unborn baby. At first used as an offhand remark, the hills begin the conversation about the pregnancy. Later in the conversation, the woman takes back what she says, noting that the hills are actually "Quiet lovely." In this way, it seems that she may want to keep the baby after all.

 

Character analysis

 

     The American:

         Throughout the story, the man is only referred to as "The American", or "The man". The personality of the man is depicted as Hemingway's stereotypical view of masculinity. He is rugged and manly, unwilling to show his emotions or discuss the situation at hand.

    

     The woman (Jig):

          The woman is depicted as shy and misguided, unable to make a decision regarding her unborn child. It is shown throughout the story that she has conflicted emotions about both the baby and her boyfriend.





 

Becoming an English major

The decision to be an English major was not easily made. Every time I would consider changing my major, I would get thoughts of sitting alone in a crummy apartment, surrounded by rejected manuscripts. struggling to make ends meet. a failure, like so many dreamers before me.

Going into college, English wasn't even an option I thought about, I wanted to write, but I knew that it wasn't a guaranteed career. I went into my first semester as an Art therapist, to the excitement of my own therapist. Unfortunately, my interest in the subject drained quickly. It wasn't that the idea of helping people express themselves didn't appeal to me anymore. I know the pain of not having anyone that will listen, and the feelings one gets when they create something unique.

First, it was the financial commitment needed to pursue Art therapy. In order to become a licensed therapist, graduate school is a must. After scraping together all the financial help I could get for these first four years, there was no way I could be sure I would be able to afford any extra years.

Then, I started to realize my artistic limits. Growing up, everyone told me that I had a talent for drawing. (Okay, it was mostly family that said it.) through out school, doodling was what kept me focused. All of my notebooks would be full of doodles. (some to the point where you couldn't see work.) I was a doodle-aholic. All papers became sketchbooks, whether they were suppose to be or not. my artistic talent didn't really stretch far from there. I couldn't paint, or sketch, or make portraits. The other students had massive amounts of artistic talent. They were painters, and sculptures  and sketchers. My doodle skills just couldn't compare. Especially in the required drawing classes.

While I was struggling in the art department, I was finding potential in my research and writing class. I looked forward to the Tuesdays and Thursdays  that I had the class, despite the fact that it was at eight in the morning. When I had essays to write, my fingers were itchy for a keyboard. the words poured from my fingertips, the pages filling with topics ranging from Bullying to Barbie dolls. After hours of drawing in class, I began to write more than draw. I still enjoyed doodling, but I began to realize that I wasn't as passionate as I used to be.

I started considering my options, and realizing where my passions were. I knew that if I truly was passionate about Art therapy, I would have been more focused on ways to guarantee grad school. but, I wasn't. I found myself seriously considering writing. I did some research, (more than I did for Art therapy) and found a lot of things that could be done with an English major. I wasn't limited to one career path. I knew that out of all of them, one was sure to be my future. I knew what I had to do.

After some serious thinking, and a good long talk with myself, I knew where I wanted to be. I got the necessary paperwork done, filled out my schedule, and was on my way!

While my interest in Art therapy decreased after just a few classes, my love of writing is only growing with each passing day. Although the future is uncertain, I know that I made the write (haha see what I did there?) the right choice.